WHAT HOME MEANS TO ME

This really has been weighing on my mind for about the past two weeks.  My brother asked me a very important question.  He said " sis when are you coming home ".  It actually has been a question that have been hoping no one would ask me, or I tried to avoid.

What does home mean to you?  For me home means my mom.  When I think of home, I think of my mom, making tacos the only way she knows how.  Deep fried in greasy oil and mexican rice that taste so good. No matter how hard I try to make it, it never taste anything like my moms.  Home means a happy heart and a feeling of excitement.  Knowing when I got to California my mom would be there just as excited as me to see each other.  I know this sounds absolutely weird but Home means my mom checking my hair for piojos (head lice)...lolol.  I know gross huh!  It was more about the great feeling of her fingers running through my crazy curls.  Thats what HOME means to me.

My mother passed away two years ago.  She was the world to me. I can not even sum up in words how much she means to me.  So need less to say when she passed away, it was not the easiest thing for me.  I had plenty of time to to wrap it around my head that she would not survive cancer.  Not because it was anything the doctor said, just because it was easier to accept the worst in hopes she would be a survivor.  I was able to spend a lot of time with her during her two year diagnosis.  Boy! I would give anything to do it all over again and again.  I really felt like I had a long time to prepare for the end.  I took lots of pictures, said " I love you a million times ", kissed her as many times as I could and cuddled with her often.  And when I was away I called her countless times a day.  I always had some cooky crazy thing to tell her and we laughed out loud all the time.  Her death has been the hardest thing I have had to deal with.  It still feels so real.  I still cry a lot, and I am just not sure when the heart ache will end. 

So when asked. " when you coming home " the answer is not easy.  I always went home for my mother.  And now she is no longer there.  And the thought of going home just doesn't seem that easy.  I am just not ready to face California knowing at the end of my travel she is not going to be there.  One day I will get back home, but today is not the day.

Always stealing kisses

BIRTHDAY THOUGHTS

So this past week I have been thinking a lot of my babies.  Well they really are no longer babies ( to me they will always be).  They have birthdays all a week apart from each other 17th, 24th, and 30th.  And every birthday I start the morning off by telling them their birth story.  I know, how corny is that? Plus I love to add a little more excitement to the story each year...lolol.  I think this is a little weird.  My oldest daughter come into this world weighing 7lbs 4oz and 20 inch long at 9:52 A.M.  My son, my middle child came into this world weighing 7lbs 4oz and 20inch long at 9:52 P.M.  What are the odds?

I am amazed how as a mother I can still remember every exact detail of my labor and delivery.  But yet I can not remember stuff from a month ago..LOL.  Do any of you agree?  There is no greater love then that of my children.  The ones who can bring out countless emotions in you, in a matter of seconds...LOL.  Now you know that is true ladies :).  Proud, Love, Happiness, Anger, Sadness, Excitement so on.  Honestly, why must they learn things the hard way?  Why can't they just do as I say and believe me when I say do it this way because your way is not going to work.   I know its a fact of life that we must learn it our own way.  Geesh!! It sure is not easy watching them go through life and spread their wings.  Although it is a good feeling when they figure out life without your help and are successful.  My three always listen to what advice we give them and actually hear us out.  And sometime and I do mean sometimes they actually took some of our witty advice and used it.  Which is amazing in its self.  For the most part it always seems that all the advice is going in the left ear and coming right out of the right ear LOL.

Now maybe I am crazy.  Or maybe one of you can relate to this.  I don't have a problem becoming a Empty Nester.  I actually look forward to it.  But what I do have a hard time adjusting to is that feeling where your children just don't need you anymore.  I know! I know! that they will always need me.  Just not in the way that they use to.  You know that way when YOU were their wold.  Not their husband, girlfriend, boyfriend or friends.  I know!! I am CRAZY huh?   I want those days back :), when Marissa's love showed through those beautiful brown sparkling eyes.  When Zachery was gonna marry me and live with me forever and do daycare.  When Brisa was so shy she held on to my legs and arms everywhere we went.  NOW THOSE WERE THE DAYS!!  The good thing is I raised some pretty amazing little people into amazing young adults.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BABIES 

MARISSA, ZACHERY AND BRISA!!!