Sunday, June 22, 2014


Frustration is what I am feeling.  I have good life and have had the privilege of being able to stay home and raise my kids.  I have enjoyed it.  It means a lot to me, to be able to kiss my children in the morning while I drop them off to school, or waited with them at the buss stop.  I love it that I was there to pick them up from school, or at home waiting for them.  It has been a pleasure.  I would not do it any other way.

So the frustration comes from trying to find employment.  I understand that I am up against everyone else who is looking for a job these days.  The ones with degrees, more experience,college students, teenager looking for their first jobs and so on.  I have been looking for some time now.  NO!! I don't need a job.  I just figured it would be nice if I got lucky and it happen.  So I wrote up a resume, which I was really against.  I felt like I did not have any thing interesting to put on there.  Even though I did home daycare for twelve years with a structured preschool program.  And I do volunteer work also.  So I finally enlisted help in writing a resume.  Came out really nice I might add.  I started with stores where I can actually fill out a paper application and turn in my resume with it.  I figured it would give employer an opportunity to see my personality.  Well I had no such luck :(.  So, a few months after the feeling of rejection went away.  I decided to give it another try.  So I went a different route.  I signed up on this job search engine where I was able to look for employment locally.  They sent me everything from Papa Johns Pizza to Walmart and local small business owner.  You would have to fill out applications online.  The only respond I ever got back was an automatic Thank you, your application is being reviewed.  No need to email us back.  What a bunch of crock. After more frustration I took a little break again.  Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.  I should be applying at Michael's, Joann's, Hobby Lobby.  Why not? all I do is spend all my time between those three stores and I sure in the heck know the stores like the back of my hand.  Well I thought that was a brilliant idea.  So I go to Michael's and Joann's who says they are hiring go online. Uggghh!! Really.  Hobby Lobby gave me a paper application, so I was able to attach my resume to yet.  Of course they gave me the don't call me, I'll call you speech.  I filled out the online applications for Michael's and Joann's, the had to do that test.  You know the one where I swear they ask you the same question in twenty thousand different ways.  Even though those two stores have this huge hiring sign.  I get emails saying they do not have anything available for me at this time...LOLOL.  Feeling like a loser for sure.  Well nothing happen at any of those places.  I thought I still have one ace in my pocket.  I am a frequent shopper at the great ol' JCPenny store.  I have gotten to know many of the workers there.  So they allowed me to use them as references.  They were kind and informed the person in charge of hiring (don't know their actual title).  I was for sure it was a shoe in.  So over to the key ops I go to fill out the application.  As I pressed send one of the employees who was rooting for me.  Said " let me let A*** know to look for your application".  Oh ya and I had to take another one of those silly test.  Finally this person comes and ask if I have a resume and I had it to him.  He gives it a quick look over and tells me.  "if I don't call you in three days, go ahead and give me a call".  Well I personally don't take that was a great sign.  So after a follow up call to him.  He lets me down gently.

I don't get it.  First of all I don't get how you are suppose to sell yourself when everything is online.  Second when you get the opportunity to sell your self face to face, what is it that they want?  It sure is frustrating that's for sure.  The good thing is that employment is not a must.  So I have time for the right job to fall into my lap.  I am a believer if its meant to be it will happen.

xoxox.....GOOD NIGHT

Tuesday, June 17, 2014


Oh my!  You ever have those day where you wake up and go, What hell happen to me?  Where did all those come from?  You know the gray hairs, the twenty-five million more freckles, those lip lines and crows feet around your eyes.  Oh my gosh!! Let's not forget those deep wrinkles in your forehead.  I swear they were not there yesterday.  Yesterday I felt young and vibrate, active and full of energy.  Today totally different story.  It started with getting out of bed and my darn back ached so bad.  And you get out of bed like your a ninety year old woman. Your moaning and groaning because your all aching.  Trust me I'd much rather moan and groan in a different  Then I went to brush my teeth and I thought damn Connie you aged drastically over   I know it wasn't over, but it sure felt like it.  So i hopped in the shower thinking it was going to help what I see in the mirror.  And to my surprise it did not...
I looked in the mirror this morning and every freckle on my face was screaming at me ;).   And the lips lines that are fine, but there showed up.  And those deep forehead lines that I contemplate on should I or shouldn't I get botoxs were screaming louder then my freckles.  Today I just felt old old old!!.  Do you ever have those days?


Monday, June 2, 2014


This really has been weighing on my mind for about the past two weeks.  My brother asked me a very important question.  He said " sis when are you coming home ".  It actually has been a question that have been hoping no one would ask me, or I tried to avoid.

What does home mean to you?  For me home means my mom.  When I think of home, I think of my mom, making tacos the only way she knows how.  Deep fried in greasy oil and mexican rice that taste so good. No matter how hard I try to make it, it never taste anything like my moms.  Home means a happy heart and a feeling of excitement.  Knowing when I got to California my mom would be there just as excited as me to see each other.  I know this sounds absolutely weird but Home means my mom checking my hair for piojos (head lice)...lolol.  I know gross huh!  It was more about the great feeling of her fingers running through my crazy curls.  Thats what HOME means to me.

My mother passed away two years ago.  She was the world to me. I can not even sum up in words how much she means to me.  So need less to say when she passed away, it was not the easiest thing for me.  I had plenty of time to to wrap it around my head that she would not survive cancer.  Not because it was anything the doctor said, just because it was easier to accept the worst in hopes she would be a survivor.  I was able to spend a lot of time with her during her two year diagnosis.  Boy! I would give anything to do it all over again and again.  I really felt like I had a long time to prepare for the end.  I took lots of pictures, said " I love you a million times ", kissed her as many times as I could and cuddled with her often.  And when I was away I called her countless times a day.  I always had some cooky crazy thing to tell her and we laughed out loud all the time.  Her death has been the hardest thing I have had to deal with.  It still feels so real.  I still cry a lot, and I am just not sure when the heart ache will end. 

So when asked. " when you coming home " the answer is not easy.  I always went home for my mother.  And now she is no longer there.  And the thought of going home just doesn't seem that easy.  I am just not ready to face California knowing at the end of my travel she is not going to be there.  One day I will get back home, but today is not the day.

Always stealing kisses

Sunday, June 1, 2014


So this past week I have been thinking a lot of my babies.  Well they really are no longer babies ( to me they will always be).  They have birthdays all a week apart from each other 17th, 24th, and 30th.  And every birthday I start the morning off by telling them their birth story.  I know, how corny is that? Plus I love to add a little more excitement to the story each year...lolol.  I think this is a little weird.  My oldest daughter come into this world weighing 7lbs 4oz and 20 inch long at 9:52 A.M.  My son, my middle child came into this world weighing 7lbs 4oz and 20inch long at 9:52 P.M.  What are the odds?

I am amazed how as a mother I can still remember every exact detail of my labor and delivery.  But yet I can not remember stuff from a month ago..LOL.  Do any of you agree?  There is no greater love then that of my children.  The ones who can bring out countless emotions in you, in a matter of seconds...LOL.  Now you know that is true ladies :).  Proud, Love, Happiness, Anger, Sadness, Excitement so on.  Honestly, why must they learn things the hard way?  Why can't they just do as I say and believe me when I say do it this way because your way is not going to work.   I know its a fact of life that we must learn it our own way.  Geesh!! It sure is not easy watching them go through life and spread their wings.  Although it is a good feeling when they figure out life without your help and are successful.  My three always listen to what advice we give them and actually hear us out.  And sometime and I do mean sometimes they actually took some of our witty advice and used it.  Which is amazing in its self.  For the most part it always seems that all the advice is going in the left ear and coming right out of the right ear LOL.

Now maybe I am crazy.  Or maybe one of you can relate to this.  I don't have a problem becoming a Empty Nester.  I actually look forward to it.  But what I do have a hard time adjusting to is that feeling where your children just don't need you anymore.  I know! I know! that they will always need me.  Just not in the way that they use to.  You know that way when YOU were their wold.  Not their husband, girlfriend, boyfriend or friends.  I know!! I am CRAZY huh?   I want those days back :), when Marissa's love showed through those beautiful brown sparkling eyes.  When Zachery was gonna marry me and live with me forever and do daycare.  When Brisa was so shy she held on to my legs and arms everywhere we went.  NOW THOSE WERE THE DAYS!!  The good thing is I raised some pretty amazing little people into amazing young adults.